Moist Sticky Fluffy Lovely
by IvoryAlchemist
Summary: Princeton Plainsboro realize that they walk in a supreme cloud of gorgeousness. House and the team turn into fuzzy, oily, studmuffin lovepumpkins! As promised to 2BlckBlt.


I _might _have borrowed a _tiny _bit of inspiration from _A Bit of Fry and Laurie'_s brilliant Tony and Control sketches. Possibly.

LOVE-LOVE-LOVE-LOVE

House wiped the tears from his eyes, sniffling. "I know you didn't mean it, Wilson, but it just _hurts _when you make fun of me all the time,"

Wilson rubbed his friend's back soothingly. "Oh, House, I'm so sorry I ever said those awful things! I respect you sooo much. I just think you're super sexy and smart and fun and witty!"

House snuggled against Wilson's chest, burying his head into the warmth of his shirt. "Okay. You're forgiven."

Cuddy knocked softly on the door. "Hello? Can I come in?"

"Lisa, you're always welcome here," House spread his arms and hobbled over, enveloping her in a warm hug. She smiled and wound her arms around his torso.

"I know. I just didn't want to be rude, Greg."

"So, what's up?" Wilson crossed his arms, sitting in House's chair.

"Oh, nothing out of the usual. Just some Clinic you need to catch up on, Greg!" She smiled, jabbing him playfully in the side as he giggled.

"Ah, shucks. Well, I suppose I better get down there then!" House accepted the file from Cuddy, gave her a friendly peck on the cheek and limped out the door.

"Boy, he is such a good man." Cuddy sighed dreamily, resting her chin on her palm as she took a seat next to Wilson.

"He really is, Lisa, he really is."

LOVE-LOVE-LOVE-LOVE.

House nodded sympathetically, listening carefully to the Clinic patient. "Boy, those allergies are quite a bother, aren't they?"

The woman smiled. "Yeah. It's so nice to have such a competent, understanding doctor like you, Dr. House."

He waved his hand and smiled dismissively. "Hogwash! I'm nothing special. Here, I'll just prescribe you some Allegra to help your allergies. You be sure and give my office a call if this doesn't work out! Here's my card," He handed her a slip of paper just as his pager went off. "Oops! Well, looks like I've got to run, Lucy! Good luck with your new puppy you were telling me about!"

She waved at the kindly doctor who vanished out the door.

Dr. House ambled through the doors to find two of his ducklings sitting around the table. House took the last chair, smiling warmly.

"Good morning!" He cried, and Chase and Foreman grinned back at him.

"Morning, Dr. House! We have a new patient. Would you like to see the file?" Chase explained, and House nodded.

"I certainly would, Dr. Chase!" The Australian handed it to him, and House turned it over several times in his hands. "My, these are _attractive _folders, aren't they?"

Foreman jumped in. "Oh, yes, Dr. House! Miss Carly from accounting decided that a change of color from the bland old manila to the robin's egg blue would spice things up a bit. What do you think?"

"They're very nice, and they do wonders to lift a dreary soul. Not that I was dreary, of course!" At this, all three doctors laughed.

The trio turned as they heard a knock on the door. "Oh, Dr. Cameron! Here, have my seat," House offered, standing up and motioning to the chair. The younger woman smiled gratefully.

"Thank you, Dr. House," She said softly, and he batted his eyes.

"You are looking especially gorgeous today, Dr. Cameron." He purred, and she gasped, covering her mouth and giggling softly.

"Oh, you two!" Chase laughed, swatting House on the arm. "Get a room, would you?"

The whole room chorused in friendly laughter.

LOVE-LOVE-LOVE-LOVE

"Mrs. Diego, you should be better in no time with these medicines," House reassured their young patient, and she nodded.

"Thank you so much, Dr. House. I'm so grateful." Her blond curls bobbed on her shoulders as she spoke.

"Don't mention it! Anytime you have a problem, just give me a call."

House smiled, planting his hands on his hips and watched with satisfaction as the beautiful Mrs. Diego strolled out the hospital.

Once back at the conference room, the team was surprised when a man with a large and dangerous looking gun walked through the doors. "Hello! Which one of you lovely doctors might be Dr. House?"

House smiled and offered his hand. "That would me, kind stranger!"

They shook hands agreeably, and then Foreman pulled House to the side. "I think that man may want to shoot you!"

House gasped. "Oh my! Well, in that case, I best ask him to leave!" He turned back to the shooter. "Actually, good sir, may I ask you to leave this conference room? There seems to be reasonable suspicion that you carry a very real risk of planting a bullet in some inconvenient part of my anatomy." House asked politely, and the man sighed.

"Oh, sure thing, Dr. House. Maybe I'll come shoot you another day. Bye for now!" The murderer-to-be waved and waltzed out the hospital, and Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital's Diagnostic team lived happily ever after.

And that, my friends, is how the entire No Reason scenario could have been happily avoided.

The End.


End file.
